i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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