The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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