I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize