did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
