I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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