there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
When are your genitals available?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
