so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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