The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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