dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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