i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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