I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
