Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
