Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
