Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
