smell my finger.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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