shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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