just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
