i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
