Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize