Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize