Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
