drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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