My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
