I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
