6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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