home. puking in laundry basket.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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