I'm laying in your front yard are you home
She said her name was "party"
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You pole danced in your parka.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
