Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize