just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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