Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize