WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
