i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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