i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
