Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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