i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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