The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
