I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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