just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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