Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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