He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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