kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
