Duck Duck Cougar?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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