god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you win again, gameday.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
