Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
