so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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