last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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