Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
