Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
