yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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