Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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