im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
love makes seman taste better
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize