i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
