I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
