He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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