I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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