I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
