I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
