Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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