wakey wakey hands off snakey
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
