I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
