guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
