i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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