At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
