Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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