dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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