mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
