I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize