the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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