so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
