i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize