Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
