I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
