Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
