I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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