you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize