i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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