If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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