So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
