I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
