i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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