I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
