you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
