tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
