i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
