Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
