We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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