how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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