and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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