eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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