No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
