I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
