I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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