He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
