so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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