Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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