They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
