Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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